If you stumbled upon this blog, you more than likely arrived here from www.CuervoRocks.com .
Cuervo is the main reason the whole site / blog thing even came about in the first place a couple years ago. The last few posts here haven't been much about him and I'll give you an update on him next time around. He's doing fine though!
There is a new book / movie coming out this weekend by Mitch Albom. It's premise is if you had only one more day to live, who would you want to see and what would you do.
The question requires some heavy thought. Most people answer that if they only had one more day to live, they'd spend it with a loved one that's passed away.
My answer would be the same thing.
If I had only one more day to live, I wish I could spend it with my Mom, who I lost this past February. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and all the "shoulda-woulda-coulda's" I regretfully didn't act upon when she was alive.
She is in a better place now. But dealing with her sudden death and all the emotional weight with losing her has been hell on earth for me. I wasn't prepared for the amount of grief that goes with losing her, the only Mom I'll ever have.
As I've gotten older I've developed a much better appreciation for her and what she's had to endure in her life. It wasn't an easy one for her by any stretch of the imagination.
Looking back, there is SO much that should've been different for her in her life. She was disabled for the last 19 years of her life from a back surgery that went wrong when she was 48. She was 67 when she passed. She had a wonderful sense of humor and a great smile even though she lived in alot of pain, physically and emotionally.
If I had one more day I'd spend it with Mom, playing her favorite card game Uno and racing to see who could finish a word search puzzle the fastest. She loved to do those word search puzzles and I'd always bring some to her when I visited. We'd have lunch together and instead of me reading the local paper like I did, I'd listen more to what she was saying to me. I mean REALLY listen.
Sometimes we hear people talking but we really aren't listening, are we? If I had only one more day with my Mom, I would REALLY listen to what she had to say. I would give her 100% of my undivided attention instead of maybe 50-60% of it.
I would express my feelings to her that I now regret I never did enough of when she was alive. I'd tell her how I really felt and what she meant to me and how wonderful I thought she was even though she couldn't get around and do the little things she used to because of her disability and felt frustrated at times.
I would hug my Mom ALOT more. She never got near enough hugs, from any of us, and it's really a shame.
I spent the entire last week of her life at her bedside in the hospital. It was very humbling and emotional. I felt very close to her and she knew I was there for her 24/7. I'll never forget her squeezing my fingers when I asked her questions. She'd try to open her eyes and look at me and I could see the gratitude in her eyes knowing she knew I was right there for her.
I feel so fortunate to have been able to spend all that time with my Mom at her bedside in the last week of her life. I think about it frequently. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
I miss you Mom, and if I had only one more day to live, I'd want to spend it with you, with all my heart.
